~ Saturday, June 24, 2006
~
they were the people i treasured the most and yet they still failed me.
no wonder they say that no man is perfect.
i waited for over an hour pacing back and forth.
"i'll be there at 1410."
the statement kept racing at the back of my mind.
the clock ticked and time passed but he never turned up.
"seeyou at 1420!" said another.
they were two people who i thought would never be late.
i called but all i heard were the noises of vehicles rushing by.
i comforted myself by saying "yes, she's on the way. she would be here anytime."
then i tried to recall his number.
but 968... was all that i could remember.
i paced up and down, from the mrt to the shop.
back and forth, dragging my sis along with me.
my sis started complaining about the heat as she dragged the heavy bag on her shoulders.
i felt really bad but i remembered and said to her
"she's coming soon!"
so we rushed back to the mrt.
but thinking "what could have happened to him...."
we hurried back to the shop.
the uncle at the shop looked at me and said
"girl.. you wait so long already. i think your friend wont come la"
but i stubbornly insisted that they will.
the uncle looked at me with disbelief.
finally it was 1500.
half an hour since i heard the sound of the vehicles.
"what could be keeping her?" i thought to myself.
so i called and to my disbelief...
the uncle was right!
then she finally came at 1510.
she: we are the biggest victims of this entire miscommunication la.
me: yar la. they freaking got no heart or something.
she: yes, they being so near could have come down to get you or something but they left it to me?
i thought to myself: is she complaining?
she: he easily could have came down la. he owns a car and stays so near the shop but instead he made this sweeping statement saying "lucky pamela informed me just as i was about to leave the house."
i thought: wahh. creeep.
she: and your bro doesnt wanna get you.
i thought: MY BROTHER? gosh. what kind of shit brother is that? to think we were talking about the love of christ just the night before? to think he actually dared to bring up having once pulled me away from the road as a car rushed by? maybe it's just because it was kind of convenient... -i was freaking disappointed la.
then i thought: if the tables were turned and he were waiting, would i go? i answered my own qns with a definite yes. man, i was truly upset.
and guess what we are all christians..
i certainly hope they had their reasons..
/ Moonlight / 2:23 AM /
~ Thursday, June 15, 2006
~
now i understand why they say that not a single man has the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. i used to think that well, it's quite easy isnt it? you just have to treat everybody you meet as if they were an angel sent from heaven, then you would natuarlly be really nice to them. in fact, they really are because we know that everyone is made and loved by our Father. but somehow, we always tend to ostracise people who we classify as "less perfect" and often forget than we are no better. despite all the various sermons i have attended, preaching on spreading and letting the love of God shine through us, i am still guitly of lacking that love.
i used to have this very good friend or so i thought. i always treated this person as one of my better friends but never did i expected that on that person's part, the kindness and all were all but a facade. at that moment, i was simply speechless. i didnt even want to know why. honestly, i wished i never knew lar. but on account of all the fun and happy moments we spent tgt, i still love you and will always treat you as one of my good friends. i pray that one day, you too will find a friend in me. (:
okay. to say that i wasnt upset would be lying lar. i was really, really upset. but later, i found out why. one day, i decided to live my live afresh. i wanted to live a life that i could be accountable for when i meet my Father in heaven. i tried okay. (:
on tuesday, i had a chance to meet up with someone i haven been in touch with for a long time. someone i have never really liked but have always admired for her guts. xP [MM would know why lar.] i attended tuition with her, conducted by my mentor dot. after that, i was supposed to meet fiona at woodlands library. she was supposed to meet her friend at the bus-stop, so she kindly offerred to take me there as well since i had no idea how to get there. so i offerred to wait with her till her friend came but sadly the time never came. she called but there was no reply. so we decided to leave a msg and walk around for the time being. we waited for an hour plus and i was gonna be late lar. but i felt bad leaving her there waiting so i asked if she would like to tagg along and she agreed. the bus ride was long... and we had a really long talk. and somehow i felt myself sympathising with her.
she talked about wearing diff masks in front of different people.
like in church, you've got to be holy because everybody is.
with friends, you must not be too goody or you'll be ostracised.
(esp. if you hang out with ahbangs and ahlians)
hahah! my bro was just standing beside me, reading the contents on this page and he just said that i've guts!! yayy!! (:
because he said that if people want to use vulgaries then let them use lar.
but i disagreed. i mean i know how it feels lar. when people use them and you try to tell them not to but they just look at you as if you were alien. but i believe that God will bless the rigtheous. (: and i'm glad He gave me the strength to stand strong!
yup. back to the main topic.
i was posted a qns by her.
and i happily replied "i believe that love last forever!" (:
guess what?
i was scolded naive lar.
but i think that if i am naive, there are many, many other naive people out there too. xP
because nodody would disagree that true love last forever and it does exist. (:
she asked me another qns.
"do you have a boyfriend?"
me: no
she: so who do you like?
me: him
she: still him?
me: [silent]
she: wahlao, you really got no life sia.
me thinking to myself: life is not about having boyfriends...
me jokingly: my mum say must wait until 21 then can start dating mah.
she: diao...
me? no life? hahah. how can she say that God place every single child on this earth for a purpose lar. even her! but i guess she has yet to find her true identity.
yes, that was the time whereby i was filled with the love of God.
on thurs, i was with qiang. apparently, he wanted to pass something to his "gf" so he got me to accompany him all the way the East Coast. and being the nice me, i agreed lar. but i never regretted going lar. it was pretty fun anyway! (: you are always a joy to be with. thank God he sent you to brighten and liven up my life! (:
and after that, i accompanied for this jamming session with uncle david and the whole gang plus jessica. hmm.. jessica is this girl who can get on your nerves at times. yes, i tried to be nice to her okay. since she is a girl and all but truly seemed unappreciated. i dont deny the fact that some of her actions really grossed me out. like trying to stick tissue in her ears to block out the really loud music and finding out that it doesnt really out. so the tissue comes out and on the score stand. didnt say much but i told her to clear it tho. there were more lar. but i guess as far as the guys were concerned, her singing almost killed them. they were rather mean about it lar. but well, i guess even i down with sore throat was less of a killer.
yes, time to squeeze into uncle david's car. me, the only girl must sit with jessica because she is a girl. gosh, at that moment, all i wanted was a sex transfer or something. okay, i exzaggerated. but honestly, i wasnt too keen on sitting with her. once bitten, i felt that my compromising and all will only come to nothing. but then again, my conscience come over me and i decided to sit with her.
during dinner, the guys sat at one table, leaving me with jessica and the adults. sat in front of jessica with the grassjelly drink. dang! a jelly flew straight at me. sorry? no. well, i was, so i moved over to join marc and company. i honestly felt mean but i couldnt imagine eating with her sitting in front of me. uncle david wanted to try the fried rice i was having so i agreed, then jessica too wanted to have a taste and i didnt know how to say no so she dugged her spoon in. but i gave the portion to qiang. =x sorry buddy! i truly am.
when for prayer meeting, i was grouped with uncle henry and uncle zhilong. seriously scary please like two man with one small kid. but they prayed for me and i was convicted to love from my heart. (: and not to love because i have to. i guess nobody would be happy to know that one is treating them nicely only because they are obliged to.
yup. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart! (:
-Father, i wanna love the world with your love!-
-i wanna smile because your love fills me!-
/ Moonlight / 9:19 PM /
~ Friday, June 09, 2006
~
hmmm. i just realised that my blog is quite dead upon the reminder of one of my better friends. xP haha. well, i guess i pretty much forgot about this entire blogging thing under the stress of exams and all. but it's all over!! (=
life's this year has brought me throught lots of ups and downs.
but through it all, i've learnt that:
for everything that goes, something new will replace it.
and each time it gets better! (=
BLESSING ONE
God gave me a very special gift but i never really noticed it.
i was too buried in this friendship which i treasured very much.
a friendship that was slowly slipping away.
one that i tried so hard to hold on to but to no avail.
i thought of her.
thinking if i would cross her mind.
i waited for her call.
but it never came.
i was upset.
but you were there for me.
i missed the times i spent with her.
but you made me see beyond that.
i know i behave very childishly at times.
spoiled and stupid.
but you were always there to wake me up
and to dragg me back on path.
when i was lazy and on the verge of giving up,
you were always there to encourage and spur me on.
your passion in wanting to please God.
your light that shines for His glory.
they just make me wanna...
SERVE AND LOVE GOD MORE! (=
thank God for showing me His love through you.
i really thank God for a great friend like you! (=
ohh. i feel really bad about this.
thanks a million for the countless telephone calls
you made just to make sure that i got to school on time.
(really... you are the only one who would do this!)
what would i do without you? lol. or should i say i cant do without you? xP
BLESSING TWO
my brother defines love as "being happy when the other is".
sounds like a model answer, doesnt it?
but i guess it's more or less true lar.
i am happy when you are. (=
haha. doesnt really sound like a blessing does it?
but really it is.
i mean i see many people upset over r/s.
but for me, i am happy just as it is. (=
you were the one who taught me how to count my blessing.
BLESSING THREE
my brother rocks lar!
thank God for this great brother/ friend/ confidant/ companion/ entertainer/ advisor?/etc.
man. doesnt that make you everything? lol.
you probably wont see this but i miss you!
(hmm. i'm not crazy. my bro's in malaysia at the retreat.)
haha. but i guess it all works out well lar. God's plans never fail, do they? No, they never! (=
He makes me smile! (=
haha. now you know the secret behind that smile. xP
/ Moonlight / 12:06 PM /
