May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
January 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007

~ Sunday, May 22, 2005 ~

if only a dream would become real.
if ony fairytales existed in reality.
if only.....

i just realised that i am a professional crapper who craps about almost everything under the sun. gees. is this part of being part of this world? talking crap and thinking crap. LOL.

rachel the professional crapper.

~ Monday, May 16, 2005 ~

perhaps you will never ever know how much i love you
i often deny myself,
saying that you are just but just another guy.
only to come to this conclusion:
although i know that you will only love her,
i can never completely get you out of my mind.
i tried my best to treat you as an ordinary friend.
but it just breaks my heart,
just knowing how much you love her.
i would very much want to accept it but i guess i cant.

ahhh! rachel. how stupid can you get? he has already got someone. you should just back off and stop thinking about him. and just another reminder, you are only 15, not 50 my dear. and there is still alot in life that you have yet to see. love consultant! do what you so often preach! lol.

hahah. yar lah. i guess there is more to life than just love. i am convinced after seeing so many cases of people getting so frustrated, confused and upset over it. how contradicting can this world get? is love as pure and true as it is made out to be? i doubt. perhaps it's just me and all the television programmes i have been watching. well, maybe not lah. after being a love consultant for like almost three years of my life, i do agree with their view to a certain extend. hahaha. why cant the people of this world be born simple and innocent? just love this one person, get married and settle down. lol. anyway i guess there are some things that are just simply beyond our control. and i agree with pris and qiang. "God is faithful. He has a good plan for us. and He is the only one who knows who is the best for us. so leave it to Him."

in conclusion, human love is crap! there's only one love that will last forever, one love that would give unconditionally and one love that would give up so much for anyone. that love is the love of God! He loves you! He loves you so much that he was even willingly to lay down His life for you, so much that He stands waiting at your door everyday knocking and waiting for you to open the door. God loves you more than anyone else in the world. He is crazy about you, so much so that He even knows the number of hair on your head which you yourself do not even know. He is the creater and the almighty, yet He chose you. would you not just give Him that chance to be your freind? I chose Him and i hope that my dear friends, one day you would too.

~ Wednesday, May 11, 2005 ~

i just realised that my chinese is still quite terrible despite the fact that i have been learning it for over ten years. lol. it is quite a sad fact isnt it. this was what happened...
in the evening, i called my tuition kids to inform them about the upcoming family day our church was organising. and great! for one of them, a mother picked up and started talking in chinese. so i was like trying to tell her about the event but she just didnt get it somehow and told me to call a little later when her girl would be home. gees. how insulting. hahaha. well, i guess it's time i should start practising speaking in chinese. lol. after all, it's a chinese church, reaching out to quite a number of chinese people, including afew china girls who i surprising can communicate with. hahaha. yeah! i am determined to learn the professional way of speaking chinese! after all, china would be a big market in years to come! LOL! okay, maybe not so soon. one shouldnt be too greedy, just well enough to communicate would be just good. hahaha. yupx.

the world is stressful
is it the world or is it just the competitive and kiasu us? yes. there are no doubt lots of tests, exams, cross-country races, table tennis, basketball and badminton matches all involving people like us. and everyone is just going insane over them. people study from the moment they open their eyes to the time they close them. some work non-stop in hope of getting a raise in status/salary. while others train for years just to win that single gold medal. are these things really that worth so much of our time and effort? and how long will these things last?

status, wealth and fame. what more are these things than just mere worldly posessions? like what my grandma always tell my siblings and i, "aiyo. so much money for what? die also cannot bring into the coffin with you. you come there empty, go also empty. hold your money so tight also no use." hahaha. indeed it's very true. these things will at the very most last you a lifetime but not eternity. but ironically, many people are so blinded by the things of this earth that they fail to see the real treasure that is installed for them, the treasure that would last them for eternity.

i admit that i myself am guilty of this too. hahaha. so many a times, we humans think that we can accomplish all things with our own strength. but having been through it so many times, i realised that we cant, simply because we are not God. sometimes, you try and take everything into your own hands and end up screwing everything up only to realise it only takes a prayer to solve the tiny thing. and why i dont see why people fight over almost every other thing, be it money, positions, houses or even people. like the saying goes, "whatever is meant to be yours will always be yours but whatever is not will never be." anyway, in times whereby you feel weak or down, just remember: God is so strong, so powerful and mighty, there's nothing He cannot do for me or you. trust in him and he will honour you!

Lord, i just pray that we learn to trust in you everyday of our lives, knowing that you have the best plan for us. and now i just wanna commit tmr's bio test into your hands. i also pray for my fellow brothers and sisters and they take their respective tests/exams. i pray that lord, you will just be there with us to guide us and go through the test with us. that you will give us your peace at heart as we strive to do our best. i pray that as we go through our daily lives, we will remember why we do things and who are are doing it for. Amen.

~ Saturday, May 07, 2005 ~

Lord, we were once so united and joyful, singing freely in your prescene but look at us now. Everyone's just fighting for their own rights, thinking of what would suit them the best. but who has ever thought what would be the best for cell? Prehaps it's just the generation gap. We simply do not understand one another and thus cannot connect with each other.

A statement was made saying that we(the youths) have got no respect for the elders. I admit that i, as well as many others are guitly. For that, i would like to apologise. And since it is brought up, we will try and imrpove on it.

it was also mentioned that our behavior/attitude is not up to expectations. to this, i also agree to a certain extent. but as behavior/attitude are terms subjective to different individuals. my understanding of good behavior may not be what you understand from the same two words and thus it is more of an opinion than anything else. here, i think that as long as we know what we are doing, who we are doing it for and are doing it with joy and happiness, the attitude is there.

somebody brought up that God should be the centre of cell and God should be the reason for us going to cell. but questions if that were really the case. yes, i agree that many a times we look like we are going there just for fun and play and in some cases it might even be true. this questions more of the individuals themselves. but think about it, why of all places the church? a place whereby rules are set and are to be obeyed. why?

the elders think that cell should be serious and solom. but i think otherwise and i believe some others would agree with me. yes. we should be serious when we come to God but should there not be a sense of belonging, joy and love? what is cell when you come together with a group of people which you call your family, just to feel so stressed up and uneasy? isnt this no different from the world around us?

the elders defination of cell is leadership training with its primary aim to train young leaders that will be able to lead the church and its secondary aim to fellowship. yes. it is indeed a good thing to have such trainings and stuff. but do you not agree that fellowship is more important. what good is a bunch of supposedly "well trained" leaders when it only ends there? you can train a whole bunch of youths but do you not agree that in order for them to really be able to lead, they have be of one heart and mind. the church is a body of people and not one person alone, it can never stand on its own nor one single person's leading/opinion.

they say you are free to voice your opinions during this time of sharing. but just look and see, how many of the youths actually open their mouths and say anything. the answer is almost none. honestly, i do not really know why either. but for myself, i personally had quite alot to say but the words just didnt come out. it was there but something told me that i shouldnt say it. i usaually find whenever i say something that goes against the system, it just naturally gets rebuted. sometimes, i wonder if it even got through. [when i told my mum about haichong's apology. she immediately questioned me asking why is it that the adult should apologise to the kids in front of so many people.] i am not trying to put my mum down, but isnt this reaction due to ego?

well, i guess humans will always be humans. and we cant just depend on ourselves alone. we need someone to be in charge. we need someone to guide us. we need someone to show us the way out of this darkness. Lord, we need you. please be our guide and show us your way. we know that in order to run this race, we need perseverance and strength lord. i pray that as we run this race to eternity lord, our eyes will be fixed on you. we do not want to be put down be the circumstances for the things around us will never change but we can. i just pray that you will solve all the misunderstandings among your people lord. we wanna serve you lord. but we know that we cannot if we do not first start with ourselves being right with you. lord, i just wanna be right with you. lord, be our light, guide us. Amen.