JesusRawksMyLife

2007-10-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

"You've got God" (:

2007-10-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

God, He knows (:

THANK YOUU
for i know that it's by Your grace (:

2007-10-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

i guess you just dont get it.

2007-10-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

rachel is happy, happy, HAPPY (:
hahah. i guess i sound super retardeded.
but i'm really really happpy!

I LOVE ANET! (":

i realise that ian quite retarded tooo.
but nevertheless, fun larr!
fun to disturb! xP

hahahahah!
i realised my "potential" at soccer
after playing with anet, renjie, and yande.
plus one of my chemistry mates.
fun fun fun (:
Lol. but it was more like pool soccer?
i think the schh should really do something about their drainage system larr.

in sum, life rocks! (:
gonna rock more if i promote larr
please let me promote ><

despite all the fun, i still think about you.
cus the fun isnt complete without you.
reply me, will you? ><

2007-10-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

like it is said, "nothing happens for no apparent reason".
and i know that this is no exception.
even though, i may not know the reason.
i know that God has a perfect plan.
and i believe that its results will surface in His time (:

ytd, she called me.
she told me a whole long story of her gf
being her lifelong soulmate, bestfriend and companion.
it was touching and sweet.
because it reminded me of you.

i've never told youu.
but every little thing you do makes me smile.
only you can make me smile stupidly at my hp.
only you can do things that keeps me smiling for days.
hmmm, just thinking of you makes me smile.
you're my sweet (:

then she went on..
she got really upset
becus the person whom she trusted lied to her.
she felt lost.
she asked me "what should i do?"
i said i dont knowww..
then she thought that i simply didnt get it
becus i'm always happy and probably didnt know how it feels.
but i do. i honestly do lar.
i know how it feels to be this upset, hurt and loss.
i know that you'll only cry when it really matters.
and that's why i'm nice to you despite everything.

even though it's masked.
it has never been harder.
you who were always there for me.
you who always entertained all my nonsense.
you who never said no to me.
suddenly disappeared.
a sense of loss overcame me..
then i realised how important you were to me.
but i guess it's too late?
i wished you didnt move on so fast.
but you seem indifferent.
_________________________________
because you made everything look so perfect.
you were my angel (:

she told me gave me many "what if" scenarios.

i will say that if i could turn back time.
i would have treated you a million times better.
i would have shown my appreciation for all that you have done directly.
i would have told you how perfect you were all day long.
(without minding if you couldnt get pass your house door)
i would have stuckkked to you and never let you go.
because you're my rainboww (:

she struggled between giving up and letting go.
she asked me what to do.
i dont know about herr but..

i'm not letting you go.
no promises. no strings attached.
but i'll wait for you.
because i love you.
i really do (:

yuppp. i guess i'll never be able to understand how she feels if i had not met you.
so thank God (: becus i'm able to understand and help a friend? (:

God says "I answer prayer".
Rachel says "I believe" (:

2007-10-08T04:30:00.000-07:00

yayy! (: (: (:
i'm happy cus midcourse is over and gone! (:
i'm happy cus my team won for interhouse basketball! (:
and i get to step on my friend's face for looking down on me xP
no larr, i'm nice (:
actually i would thank him cus not wanting to let him kick my ass is one of the driving factors that made me play so seriously.. if not, i will just stand there and rot? xP

LOLLL. not forgetting that john is a real entertainer during the weekend lar!
i think my sister will never be bored if she ever chooses him ><
superrr jokerr. xP

today's assembly was pretty crappyy.
we had some talk about fitness?
the teachers just probably needed time to mark our scripts,
thus the talk to make sure we're under control.
sat with anet's class.
we were playing dare or dare while the talk was boring the rest.
super funny larr. esp that renjie. LOLL.
that guy super on lar.
he went up to mr tan and say:
"mr tan, my backside cramp. can i walk around the hall?"
mr tan agreed. so he walked one freaking round the hall filled with students;
with many weird stares on him.
100 points for being entertaining (:
thurga was pretty funny tooo!
cus we had to fill in this form using an OTAS sheet.
and it so happen to be her turn and that time.
so we dared her to ask mr ng whether can use pen to shade.
but she dont dare cus she scared he expel her? Lolll.
then she ended rolling up this poster on the wall?
loooked super spastic lar. ><

fun (: fun (: fun (:

2007-10-02T05:05:00.000-07:00

aha. i'm here because i've officially given up on chemistry.
not exactly something to be proud of. but welll, chemistry sucks? =/

GP was pretty crappy
Chinese was super crap
Econs was nonsense
Maths was alright
Literature ppr1 was predictable
Chemistry is DEAD
Hopefully, Literature ppr4 is easy (:

2007-09-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

DEAR LORD,

PLEASE LET ME PROMOTE.

AMEN

it cant be any worse.

2007-09-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

because time doesnt change anything.

2007-09-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

it's difficult especially when you are not allowed to say it.

2007-08-31T03:07:00.001-07:00

i think it's a blessing in disguise and i think you'll agree.

i used to get very upset upon knowing that my classmates, even those who confess that they are christians so openly ostracise this other girl from our class. i dont say that they are totally wrong in pointing out the flaws that she have but honestly we all have our own flaws too, so why cant we have a big heart? but i never had the courage to "tell them off" more than once, for the fear that they might just decide to ostracise me too? LOL. seriously.. so i just did my best, sitting with her at times and leaving her to fight her loneliness the other half of the time. a feww months past and they continued poking fun at her behind her backk.

but a few days ago, she got hospitalised and one of our teachers had a lil talk with the whole class. and thankfully, a few of them found their hearts. yupp, so ytd we took a cab down after our chemistry test to visit herr with flowers and all. AND MYGOSHHH, i'm seriously super impressed with yingzhi. she really knows how to make people happy can. yupp, i bet you had her smiling the whole night through. i would if i were her (: yupppp! hopefully life would be better for her after this (:

LOLLL. and because i was too lazy to go backk all the way to bishan, i ended up staying in my grandmother's place and my cousins were such a joke la, espp the lil one. she is major cuteness. hee, i would have uploaded the pics and videos if not for the fact that i dont know howw to? LOLL. but believe me, when i say it's cute, it is la cus i dont really like small kids. =x
they are scary, i'm scared they will breakk. LOLL.

wahhhh! this morning's train ride back to woodlands was almost a two hour journey la. and because i wanted to sit at the side, i just kept standing up, waiting for the guy on that seat to get off somewhere but little did i knoww that he was travelling so far. i waited stop after stop, thinking that he would get off at the next one. but the next stop never came until like lavender? rarrrr, never mind. can train my leg muscles. LOL.

hahaha! aces dayy was fun la (:
becus we got LAST. Lolll.
and i just realised that malay guys can dance super well? hahah.
but chinese can dance even better!~ -mr tommy chen! xP
super joker. but he really brought the atmosphere up la (:

my class super cool.
while every other class held a party for the teacher/s.
our whole class playyed bball (:

yayy yayyy! (:

2007-08-26T03:17:00.000-07:00

life's pretty baddd and i just realised why.
i guess i took alot of people for granted.

pris always bullies me but she never fails to give in to me in the end (:
-prissydog
yongqiang always pokes fun at me but still he's a friend who is always there (:
-my bestest best budd (:
augustine always makes me smile (:
-my bestest best friend (:
john always lets me disturb him but he never gets angry (:
edward can seem quite mean at times but he's really "mr nice guy" (:
dot is my good old mentor who treats me like her kidd. LOLL.
david is hahah, so nice to poke fun at (:
amos is a lamo who never fails to make me laugh (:
pam likes to laugh at me but she is fun to laugh at too (:

fiona is everything that a friend can be (:
"this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." -seee, i rmbed (:
audrey loves me and i love her too (:
sheree is a maths pro who is unselfish with her knowledge (:
cherina is my source of all lame jokes (:
hazel is my good old grandfather who is super funny (:
xinrui is everything fun la, always come up with lots of cool stuff to do (:
shumei always encourages me to study (:
-never said a word of thanks but i'm truly grateful (:

surprising, JAMES has grownn nicer and more gentlemenly over the years.
nice brother cum friend who is sometimes weird but nevertheless, great (:

and many, many MORE.
and the only person that i give in to is probably my younger sister,
simply because she is younger than me and she is my sister.
(ha. wonderful logic.)
but despite being abit nagging and serious, she can be quite cute AT TIMES (:

BUT here, in innova..
WAAAH, SUCKS PLEASE.
i shall not elaborate.
i'm a positive being (:
yayyy (:

rightt, i better do my part for PW or i'll be seeing three extremely black faces for PW tmrr.

2007-08-23T06:23:00.001-07:00

To: YOU ><
-it's to say how much you mean to me-

IMISSYOU.IMISSYOU.IMISSYOU.IMISSYOU.
IMISSYOU.IMISSYOU.IMISSYOU -istillloveyou (:

2007-08-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

the special you who caught my eye at first sight

it's funny how i actually didnt dare to approach you,
admiring your nicely styled hair and
your every other move from the side.
you probably never kneww but i
thought you were cute.

it's funny how we hit off so well despite the countless
time we just walked past each other without even
saying "hi". you may find it strange at how we
became such good friend.. and i too do not know
BUT...

i'm honestly amazed at how time spent with you just flies so quickly.
time flies as we sit in the classroom cracking our heads over endless sums;
time flies as we train endlessly under the hot red sun;
time flies as we walk the long and dreary road home;
time flew past while we were so unware.

hahahah! i wished that you were in my class la.
okay, maybe not. i dont want you to be suffering in my horrible class.

2007-07-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

Lord, i'm sorry but somehoww i just cant.
i've tried a hundred and one ways to let go,
a thousand and one ways to forget,
and a million and one ways to move on
but it's just not working out.

2007-06-15T02:06:00.000-07:00

sunday - at bali
i looked at you, wondering how things turned out like that.
but i found no answer.

it felt stupid being there
and the Lord said:
whoever puts his hand into the plow and looks back is not fit for the service of His kingdom

monday - in buru
it was a relief to know that we arent in the same group,
though i really wanted to know if it were well at your side.
but i guess it's less awkward this wayy.

but still, there air around felt different.
it was uncomfortable and weird.

then the Lord spoke again:
giving half is as good as giving none at all

i broke down in tears, feeling extremely bad.
i knew i had let Him down.

tuesday- second day in Buru
i woke up, knowing that something has to be done.
God will not send me here to do nothing at all.

so later, when the kids came.
i took up the challenge of teaching chinese to a group of 13 yr olds.
no doubt, i was afraid but i knew that God will be there.
i looked at the kids wondering what to say: wan shang hao?
they stared at me.
i guess i've said it wrong.
so i decided to jump straight into the lesson.
it was weird but it got better!
thank God! (:

later at night,
we went to the 'jetty' to look at the stars.
they were pretty! (:
but behind me, he was telling the story which i had asked
but he didnt not bother to say much about.
the pretty stars couldnt make up for that.

the role that i used to play was now given to him,
(i am sure he'll do a good job)
but the question is: had i messed it up?

i really didnt know what to sayyy.
i stood before the Lord in tears,
asking if i had let Him down in anyway,
praying hard that he would take me back if i did.
i really, really wanted to give it my all.
(but sometimes, it just isnt easy.)

i read the word and it said:
we are not saved through good works but faith and faith alone.
we shall not boast in our own GOOD WORKS but in CHIRST ALONE.

why this verse?
i didnt think much.

wednesday- third day in Buru
we started sharing and realised that we really arent doing much if we do not share the Lord with the kids. we will be there for a month but who will be there after that. yes, the Lord will definitely be there but how are they supposed to know if we who do, do not share Him with them.

the Lord spoke to some and we decided that His name should be lifted and we should share His word with them.

it was amazing! really.
we sang this song in hokkien, a language that is understood by them.
the lyrics went: come believe in Jesus for it is goood!
we sang it to them and they got it real fast.
and soon, we were all singing it together.
it was real cool.

then we sung other other songs, doing the actions and just truly enjoying ourselves, singing His praises.

then i thought of the MM youths.
if they who have never heard of Jesus could sing His praise with so much joy!
why not us?

at night, some saw shooting stars!
i didnt. but i wondered what i would wish for if i saw one. xP
salvation of the people of Buru?
salvation of our friendship?
good results for my summer test?
hahah! but i guess i really didnt need any.
because the one who created them is the one with the ability to grant this wishes (:
so i prayed instead (:

thursday- last day in Buru
first morning out in the 'jetty'
it was like an air-con room.
really, really nice.
just a pity, the sun rose on the other side.
but nevertheless, thank God for the breeze and the company (:

we sat there.
poking fun at one another.
sharing and later,
praying together for the kids and the entire village.

.praying that salvation will fall on the land of Buru.

2007-06-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

it just wont do without you,
now that i've only got eyes for you.
believe me, when i say that we'll be happy together.
trust me, when i say that i just wanna be with you.
give me a chance, will you?

-simply put, iloveyou.

2007-06-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

i wish you would come back now now now

hmmm.. but then again, you may not even talk to me.

but still, i miss you.

-wishingyouwereherewithme

2007-06-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

i wish it were just the two of us
but i cant help feeling upset when they say that you like her;
i cant help turning back when they say that you dont care.

it just seems so unreal
it's as if i've been thrown into a world of plastic toys
where the plastered smiles on faces mean nothing at all.
would you tell me why you left?

i would very much love to believe that you're happier now
but it's really ironical
to see you acting as if you dont care
when you used to say 'it's because of you'
it's absurd
to know that you're gone
when you acted as if you treasured this friendship

but really, how do you expect me to know?
tell me how am i suppose to think
now that you're not saying a thing

-i'llsayyoumeantheworldtome

it's hard
when your name appears on every page of my notes
when the song i hear chants your name
when even the stars join to form your name

2007-06-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

when you entered my life, my world changed.
i knew almost immediately that God had sent an angel in response to my prayers.
everything was so perfect; it was almost as if heaven came down to earth.
every morning, i would wake up knowing that you'll be there.
every night, i would lie in my bed smiling at the times we spent together.
and everytime i count my blessings, they just never seem to end.

but why are you leaving so soon?
is it me? cause if it is, i'll change?
give us another chance, will you?
it just isnt the same without you.

-imissyoualotalotalot

2006-09-27T02:23:00.001-07:00

tell me why am i so useless, will you?
please tell me why?

rachel should die.

2006-09-27T02:23:00.000-07:00

tell me why am i so useless, will you?
please tell me why?

rachel should die.

2006-09-25T03:31:00.000-07:00

i chose to stand strong in you..
i pray that as your people have spoken, that you'll indeed reveil your perfect plan in your time.
i will wait for you..

[grant me that strength that comes from above]

2006-09-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

C.O.N.F.E.S.S.I.O.N
my walk with God has not been exactly the best. i mean as much as i would like it to be, it just never turns out well. i guess it's the mixture of guilt and prehaps unbelief? i mean i know for sure that God is always there. there's no questioning about that! but when i was stuck, i often wondered if God would lift me up. no doubt he has the power! but would he help someone who isnt even worth it? would he help a sinner like me?

E.N.L.I.G.T.H.E.N.M.E.N.T
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." [Mark 2:17]
"The time whereby you really dont feel like praying is the time whereby you really need prayer." -pamela

T.E.S.T.I.M.O.N.Y O.F G.O.D'S G.R.A.C.E
last last sunday, i was debating with myself as to whether i should be attending service or going home to study. it's always like that especially when the exams are nearing, and what more prelims?

"Honour God and He will honour you!" -aunty grace
"God will never shortchange you!" -uncle jeffery, fiona
these two statements kept running through my head as i debated with myself.

finally, i decided that God must come first and hence i stayed through the service. and indeed, God is good! He brought me through all my papers especially my social studies paper! ((=

although i did not really mug for the social studies paper at all. in fact, i really studied only two out of the many chapters. it was so risky that i secretly decided not to count it at all. xP but thank God, both chapters came out! ((=

"God is faithful to the faithful." -rachel xP

U.P.O.N R.E.F.L.E.C.T.I.O.N
as a result of my drawing away from God, i got "involved" in many unwanted misunderstandings and conflicts which i am somehow unable to pull myself out of. it's a really awful feeling knowing that you did not do it and yet nobody seems to believe you or rather you did not do it but yet you are unable to explain or clarify yourself.

then, i felt super helpless. it's like "please tell me why this is happening?" but yet everything continues without a reason. but then again, God never let anything happen for no good reason.

hmmm, and as my relationship with several people turn for the worse, it's really like WHY? on top of that, they are not just any ordinary person, it's usually people whom i care alot about and would never want to lose. it's really upsetting to see everything fall apart and "sorry"s are being used as glue.

last sunday was the last straw. i tried my best! i really did! but they thought that i wasnt serious enough. they thought that i did it reluctantly. i tried explaining myself, only to find tears flowing faster than words. i understand that all was said for the benefit of the entire community. but if you put yourself in my shoes, things would be seen in a different light. but then again, you guys are probably thinking "if only the youths can see things from here." sighh. i guess we'll leave it to God for the time being la.

hmm.. but thankfully God sent someone to clarify my WHYs. this sister was really understanding on the whole issue. she took a very neutral stand but yet she got all that is to be understood really nicely. simply "WWJD"! (= "as long as you are accountable to God!" yup! thanks pam! (=

later i read Isaiah 50, and got 4 points out of it:
1) wait on God and be sure to hop on the wave when it comes!
2) do not doubt God!
3) live for God and God alone!
4) Fear God and not man!

i guess that really answers everything! (=
Praise God! ((=

A S.P.E.C.I.A.L S.O.M.E.O.N.E
and just as i was talking to someone whom i have not seen or spoken to for a long time, i was thinking of all that she has done for me and is doing for me. i felt super touched by the fact that despite the distance, she still cares. the fact that she got up early to accomodate my timing when she made a call from the US. the fact that she has been praying for me. the fact that she is there for me! (= yup. this lady is none other than my mentor, dorothy ching! (= [once my mentor! always my mentor! cant bear to address you as ex-mentor! xP]

hmm. it is my honour to know her and have her as my mentor! (= and i must add that the way she lives her life for God is a really good testimony! and i hope that in future i would be able to inspire young christians just as she has inspired me! ((=

[heeee.. i'm missing you alr. xP]
[takecare baby doll. xP i'll be praying for you too! ((=]

P.R.A.Y.E.R
1) i pray that this girl whom i have been spending quite a fair bit of my time with, will come to church and eventually accept Christ. (=
2) i pray that my friend will stay strong despite all the troubles and messiness in life, that he may emerge stronger than it all with God as his pillar of strength! (= Lord, be with him as he takes his prelims. (=

F.O.R N.O.W
i just wanna live a life so that i may be accountable on judgement day! (=

2006-08-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

"i'll never give up because God never gave up on me!"

i wished i could say that..
but for now..
i just feel like sleeeping..

2006-08-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

Father, would you see your child sink into the miry clay and not lift a finger to help her?
would you turn a deaf ear to she who is crying out to you?
Father, i confess my unworthiness as i stand before you.
many times, i've sinned and fallen short of your glory.
many times, i've taken all that you've done for me for granted.
but yet you never failed to show me that you still care.
Father, i pray that in your great mercy and grace that you'll show me a way out of this mess.
in Jesus name,
Amen.

2006-08-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Life's all so pretty and nice! (=

but sadly, there's a PHYSICS test tmr!

i hope you do well. (=
may God's favour be with you! (=

2006-07-15T00:41:00.000-07:00

Praise be to God who is worthy of ALL praise! (:
Yes! indeed our God is a Great God who is able to make the impossible POSSIBLE! (:

have you ever tried carrying something so heavy that it takes up almost all your energy?
do you sometimes cling on really tightly to some things and really wished that you will never have to let them go?

well, i have.
i always thought that i would never be able to put it down totally.
but today, i stand before you as a living testimony of God's grace!
it's really feels so much lighter lar!

"Soar on wing's like eagles! "-Uncle Zhilong
Rachel says: "Amen!"
yup, it's so light, i feel like already flying!!! (:

O Lord,
i knew that you would deliever me in your time! (:
it was no doubt tough but you brought me through.
thank you for showering your mercy upon me!
thank you for giving me the wisdom in the spirit!
thank you for opening my eyes!
thank you for teaching me so much through this experience!
Father,
my soul praise and yearns for you.
i pray that i will live an accountable life.
i wanna walk with you.
Father,
hold my hand lest i stray.

my dear friends,
if you are holding onto things that stop you from truly experiencing the goodness of God.
place it at the feet of Jesus...
so that you may be able to see beyond the little problem
so that you may be able to see beyond this world
so that you may be able to see life for eternity
and live life for eternity! (:

"Consider it pure joy my brothers, when you face trails of many kinds." - James 1:2
Amen! it is indeed a joy! (:

"With every obstacle we overcome, we become stronger!" -Fiona

when we face trails, let us always be reminded of Job.
Job was a righteous man of God yet he went through much suffering.
but we all know that Job was tested because God allowed it.
because God had faith in Job, knowing that he would overcome it!

Let go, let God! if God brings you to it, He'll see you through it.
if God allows you to fight a battle, it's because he has faith in you.
God know that we'll emerge as victors in Jesus' name. (:

2006-07-09T05:18:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

somebody please slap me awake lar!
i think i've been dreaming for way too long!

okay.. since you guys are the only few people who even know that i actually own a blog i shall let you into a secret.. haha.. i bet all of you already know but i still want to say.. xP

do you believe in brainwashing?
well, i used to or at least i brainwashed myself to believe so.

two years ago:
quiet and shy as you were, i noticed you.
i thought you were cute but i also thought that we were too young.
then i heard that you had another girl.
at that moment, a sudden surge of jealousy ran through me.
but when i heard that she loved you as much.
my heart melt.
i was happy knowing that you found true happiness.
i really was...

it was all until i saw how you fought to keep your faith.
how you struggle as you made a choice between God and her.
you cried...
it was then that my heart really broke.
it broke knowing that i couldnt do anything.
i wanted to comfort you but i just couldnt find the right words to say.

i prayed that God would be your strength as you go through that period.
and i was really proud of you when you returned from the retreat as a new man.
i knew that God honoured you because you chose to honour him.
you were significantly different.
but you are still that special person to me...

time passed and we became better friends?
or at least i was happy that we were talking.

many times, i really wanted to go straight up to you and say
"i like you!"
but somehow the words never came out right.
ironically they come out as
"you!!!! i wanna kill you!"
or something to that extent.
but if you really were to be gone,
i promise you another river...
a river of my tears for you..
(hahah. this one's exageratted! xP but i'll be sad for sure.)

recently:
during yf, haichong once ask:
do you have a special someone?
you are happy simply because he is happy.
you are sad strangly because he is sad.
when you are happy, he is the first person you want to share that happiness with.
when you are sad, the last person you wanna trouble is him.
you would think of him for no particular reason.
you would pray daily that God's blessing would never leave him.
you would do almost everything for him..

all that came to my mind was:
you. you. you. you. you. you. YOU!
as un-nice as you are to me, i think i really like you.

i wonder if i will ever have a place in your heart?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
evidence of another unsuccessful session of brainwashing... i cant believe i ask you to study with me? gosh.. i must be mad lar.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

HORSE:
you should have never qnsed me! see lar. your fault!

EDRIC:
you should never have given me his blog address. it's your fault!

RACHEL:
it's your fault lar. this world got so many guys. why like one who does give two hoots about you?

2006-06-24T02:23:00.000-07:00

they were the people i treasured the most and yet they still failed me.
no wonder they say that no man is perfect.

i waited for over an hour pacing back and forth.
"i'll be there at 1410."
the statement kept racing at the back of my mind.
the clock ticked and time passed but he never turned up.
"seeyou at 1420!" said another.
they were two people who i thought would never be late.
i called but all i heard were the noises of vehicles rushing by.
i comforted myself by saying "yes, she's on the way. she would be here anytime."
then i tried to recall his number.
but 968... was all that i could remember.
i paced up and down, from the mrt to the shop.
back and forth, dragging my sis along with me.
my sis started complaining about the heat as she dragged the heavy bag on her shoulders.
i felt really bad but i remembered and said to her
"she's coming soon!"
so we rushed back to the mrt.
but thinking "what could have happened to him...."
we hurried back to the shop.
the uncle at the shop looked at me and said
"girl.. you wait so long already. i think your friend wont come la"
but i stubbornly insisted that they will.
the uncle looked at me with disbelief.
finally it was 1500.
half an hour since i heard the sound of the vehicles.
"what could be keeping her?" i thought to myself.
so i called and to my disbelief...
the uncle was right!

then she finally came at 1510.
she: we are the biggest victims of this entire miscommunication la.
me: yar la. they freaking got no heart or something.
she: yes, they being so near could have come down to get you or something but they left it to me?
i thought to myself: is she complaining?
she: he easily could have came down la. he owns a car and stays so near the shop but instead he made this sweeping statement saying "lucky pamela informed me just as i was about to leave the house."
i thought: wahh. creeep.
she: and your bro doesnt wanna get you.
i thought: MY BROTHER? gosh. what kind of shit brother is that? to think we were talking about the love of christ just the night before? to think he actually dared to bring up having once pulled me away from the road as a car rushed by? maybe it's just because it was kind of convenient... -i was freaking disappointed la.
then i thought: if the tables were turned and he were waiting, would i go? i answered my own qns with a definite yes. man, i was truly upset.

and guess what we are all christians..
i certainly hope they had their reasons..

2006-06-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

now i understand why they say that not a single man has the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. i used to think that well, it's quite easy isnt it? you just have to treat everybody you meet as if they were an angel sent from heaven, then you would natuarlly be really nice to them. in fact, they really are because we know that everyone is made and loved by our Father. but somehow, we always tend to ostracise people who we classify as "less perfect" and often forget than we are no better. despite all the various sermons i have attended, preaching on spreading and letting the love of God shine through us, i am still guitly of lacking that love.

i used to have this very good friend or so i thought. i always treated this person as one of my better friends but never did i expected that on that person's part, the kindness and all were all but a facade. at that moment, i was simply speechless. i didnt even want to know why. honestly, i wished i never knew lar. but on account of all the fun and happy moments we spent tgt, i still love you and will always treat you as one of my good friends. i pray that one day, you too will find a friend in me. (:

okay. to say that i wasnt upset would be lying lar. i was really, really upset. but later, i found out why. one day, i decided to live my live afresh. i wanted to live a life that i could be accountable for when i meet my Father in heaven. i tried okay. (:

on tuesday, i had a chance to meet up with someone i haven been in touch with for a long time. someone i have never really liked but have always admired for her guts. xP [MM would know why lar.] i attended tuition with her, conducted by my mentor dot. after that, i was supposed to meet fiona at woodlands library. she was supposed to meet her friend at the bus-stop, so she kindly offerred to take me there as well since i had no idea how to get there. so i offerred to wait with her till her friend came but sadly the time never came. she called but there was no reply. so we decided to leave a msg and walk around for the time being. we waited for an hour plus and i was gonna be late lar. but i felt bad leaving her there waiting so i asked if she would like to tagg along and she agreed. the bus ride was long... and we had a really long talk. and somehow i felt myself sympathising with her.

she talked about wearing diff masks in front of different people.
like in church, you've got to be holy because everybody is.
with friends, you must not be too goody or you'll be ostracised.
(esp. if you hang out with ahbangs and ahlians)

hahah! my bro was just standing beside me, reading the contents on this page and he just said that i've guts!! yayy!! (:
because he said that if people want to use vulgaries then let them use lar.
but i disagreed. i mean i know how it feels lar. when people use them and you try to tell them not to but they just look at you as if you were alien. but i believe that God will bless the rigtheous. (: and i'm glad He gave me the strength to stand strong!

yup. back to the main topic.
i was posted a qns by her.
and i happily replied "i believe that love last forever!" (:
guess what?
i was scolded naive lar.
but i think that if i am naive, there are many, many other naive people out there too. xP
because nodody would disagree that true love last forever and it does exist. (:

she asked me another qns.
"do you have a boyfriend?"
me: no
she: so who do you like?
me: him
she: still him?
me: [silent]
she: wahlao, you really got no life sia.
me thinking to myself: life is not about having boyfriends...
me jokingly: my mum say must wait until 21 then can start dating mah.
she: diao...

me? no life? hahah. how can she say that God place every single child on this earth for a purpose lar. even her! but i guess she has yet to find her true identity.

yes, that was the time whereby i was filled with the love of God.

on thurs, i was with qiang. apparently, he wanted to pass something to his "gf" so he got me to accompany him all the way the East Coast. and being the nice me, i agreed lar. but i never regretted going lar. it was pretty fun anyway! (: you are always a joy to be with. thank God he sent you to brighten and liven up my life! (:

and after that, i accompanied for this jamming session with uncle david and the whole gang plus jessica. hmm.. jessica is this girl who can get on your nerves at times. yes, i tried to be nice to her okay. since she is a girl and all but truly seemed unappreciated. i dont deny the fact that some of her actions really grossed me out. like trying to stick tissue in her ears to block out the really loud music and finding out that it doesnt really out. so the tissue comes out and on the score stand. didnt say much but i told her to clear it tho. there were more lar. but i guess as far as the guys were concerned, her singing almost killed them. they were rather mean about it lar. but well, i guess even i down with sore throat was less of a killer.

yes, time to squeeze into uncle david's car. me, the only girl must sit with jessica because she is a girl. gosh, at that moment, all i wanted was a sex transfer or something. okay, i exzaggerated. but honestly, i wasnt too keen on sitting with her. once bitten, i felt that my compromising and all will only come to nothing. but then again, my conscience come over me and i decided to sit with her.

during dinner, the guys sat at one table, leaving me with jessica and the adults. sat in front of jessica with the grassjelly drink. dang! a jelly flew straight at me. sorry? no. well, i was, so i moved over to join marc and company. i honestly felt mean but i couldnt imagine eating with her sitting in front of me. uncle david wanted to try the fried rice i was having so i agreed, then jessica too wanted to have a taste and i didnt know how to say no so she dugged her spoon in. but i gave the portion to qiang. =x sorry buddy! i truly am.

when for prayer meeting, i was grouped with uncle henry and uncle zhilong. seriously scary please like two man with one small kid. but they prayed for me and i was convicted to love from my heart. (: and not to love because i have to. i guess nobody would be happy to know that one is treating them nicely only because they are obliged to.

yup. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart! (:

-Father, i wanna love the world with your love!-
-i wanna smile because your love fills me!-

2006-06-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

hmmm. i just realised that my blog is quite dead upon the reminder of one of my better friends. xP haha. well, i guess i pretty much forgot about this entire blogging thing under the stress of exams and all. but it's all over!! (=

life's this year has brought me throught lots of ups and downs.
but through it all, i've learnt that:
for everything that goes, something new will replace it.
and each time it gets better! (=

BLESSING ONE
God gave me a very special gift but i never really noticed it.
i was too buried in this friendship which i treasured very much.
a friendship that was slowly slipping away.
one that i tried so hard to hold on to but to no avail.

i thought of her.
thinking if i would cross her mind.
i waited for her call.
but it never came.

i was upset.
but you were there for me.

i missed the times i spent with her.
but you made me see beyond that.

i know i behave very childishly at times.
spoiled and stupid.
but you were always there to wake me up
and to dragg me back on path.

when i was lazy and on the verge of giving up,
you were always there to encourage and spur me on.

your passion in wanting to please God.
your light that shines for His glory.
they just make me wanna...
SERVE AND LOVE GOD MORE! (=

thank God for showing me His love through you.
i really thank God for a great friend like you! (=

ohh. i feel really bad about this.
thanks a million for the countless telephone calls
you made just to make sure that i got to school on time.
(really... you are the only one who would do this!)

what would i do without you? lol. or should i say i cant do without you? xP

BLESSING TWO
my brother defines love as "being happy when the other is".
sounds like a model answer, doesnt it?
but i guess it's more or less true lar.
i am happy when you are. (=

haha. doesnt really sound like a blessing does it?
but really it is.
i mean i see many people upset over r/s.
but for me, i am happy just as it is. (=

you were the one who taught me how to count my blessing.

BLESSING THREE
my brother rocks lar!
thank God for this great brother/ friend/ confidant/ companion/ entertainer/ advisor?/etc.
man. doesnt that make you everything? lol.
you probably wont see this but i miss you!
(hmm. i'm not crazy. my bro's in malaysia at the retreat.)

haha. but i guess it all works out well lar. God's plans never fail, do they? No, they never! (=

He makes me smile! (=
haha. now you know the secret behind that smile. xP

2006-01-30T04:51:00.000-08:00

PRAISE GOD! (:
thank you so much for the numerous blessings that you have so generously showered upon me. thank you so much for carrying me through the storm. thank you so much for you! (:
-i just cant thank you enough!- ((x

dear Lord,
i thank you so much for everything that you have done for me! Lord, i sincerely believe that you will continue to lead me and guide me as i seek to follow you. Lord, i pray that your holy spirit will always guide me so that your love and mercy may be seen through me. Lord, i pray that you will grant me great tolerance and patience as i reach out to love the unloveables. Lord, i believe in your perfect plan. i know that you will surely and most definitely pull me through. Lord, i also pray that you will continue to bless richly him in this new year so that he might be able to serve you better. i pray that you will constantly be there to remind him that you, oh Lord, are always with him, even till the end of time. bless our families and church.
in Your Son's holy and most precious name,
Amen.

-show me your way- ((:

2006-01-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

GOD HELP ME!

Father!
i really really cannot take it anymore.
please dont torture me like that.
if it was not meant to be, Lord i rather not like him at all.
dear Lord, just as you have always been faithful.
leading me into your light whenever i stumble into darkness.
Lord, i pray that you would once again show me your way,
Father, please give me a sign.
please give me an answer.
Father, i only want your opinion.
i will wait until you reveal your plan for me.
Lord, i know and i believe that you will surely answer my call to you.
dear Lord, i also pray that you will always keep him close to you.
guiding him in each and every step he takes.
Father, i believe that you will make a way.
in Jesus name,
Amen

2005-10-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

HELLO!!
RACHEL greets herself. yeah. that's what loners like myself do. loll.
but that's besides the point.

first qns: do you agree that nothing happens for no reason? well, i believe that everything happens for a reason. hence, agreeing with the previous statement as well. yes, you may think that i am trying to be lame or irritating by saying the same thing twice but no, if you read deeper. it is for a wonderful reason which is to emphasise the point of having a reason for everything.

currently, i am in some really screwwed up era of my life. yeah. what a longggg life i have. but well, bad things have ot hit me in a long time. or at least it didnt hit me real bad or anything, maybe just brush pass the surface of my skin, killing some surface skin cells in the process. but other than that, life has been great!!! and i do mean GREAT!!! hahah.

i guess i do not have to define the word GREATT right. because i myself already defines the word. loll. kidding la. wanna know what's GREAT?? first know JESUS! because knowing HIM fufils LIFE'S GREATEST PURPOSE! know JESUS, know LOVE, PEACE, JOY and HOPE! what can be greater than these? to be most brutally honest, NOTHING!

like i say i have not lived for a verry long time, so compared to most people. i have taken less rice than they have taken salt in their entire life time. so i guess that i am pretty dumb compared to most wise men who have almost completed the tough route down life's journey. so what may seem like rain to them, appears as magnificent snow to the easily amazed me. hahah. it's stupid but i am affected. okayy. maybe it's simply because i am stupid. haha.

hmm. the next qns is: must something happen before we really take God seriously?
humans being humans will always tend to take things for granted, especially when these things are given freely to them. they will tend to think that everything is just meant to be that perfect, that beauitful, that great! forgetting all the effort, all the pain and everything it took to have this wonderful thing given to them. they forget and they just live like they are in control. and they forget the most important person, GOD! hmmm. i am not at all proud to say this, but sadly i make up part of these sinnerrs. lord father, i'm sorrryyy!

hmmm. third qns: which idiot bothers about people who do not bother themselves about them? bothers themselves about someone who hardly even realise their existence. bothers about people who simply do not care less about their living. bothers about everybody except those who really care, those who would go the extra mile just to put a smile on your face, those who would just ring you up despite their busy schedule just to say hi. exactly which idiot does that. you are right! that idiot is rachel.

SOMEBODY SLAP ME AWAKEE!!! yes, i am asking for it. i know i deserve it.

hahah. you might not believe this. but despite knowing the crappy situation i am in. i rejoice knwoing that the Lord will surely bring me through. because i believe that if He puts me to it, He will most definitely bring me through it.

come what may! i believe in the bigger and greatterr plan!!! ((x

2005-10-12T21:31:00.000-07:00

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

i used to like this church alot. i even thought it was the perfect church! yes! the people are like superr on fire for God!!! they showed me a side of worship i had never experience for myself until i went there. they do not just peach about a certain topic and never act on it. they do not just follow God's commandments but God Himself. the Love, Kindness and patience is one you can never find just anywhere. their longing for God is just so undeniably obivious. whenever you step into their service hall, the presence of Our Father is just so inviting and soothing to the soul. and even the sermon is spoken as if God Himself were speaking to you. you will just leave the place with a special feeling in your heart, knowing that God is there with you.

hahaha. yes! this was indeed the church i intended to stay in, but did not due to parental objection. and eventually, God brought me to PLCMM. and i must say that it was rather amazing how i got there. hahah. it's a pretty long story. but well, i will be more than happy to tell you if you ask. hahaha. yup. i will always remember someone once said something along this lines "do not look for THE PERFECT CHURCH becus there is NO perfect church. and even if there was it wont be as perfect as it was before once you joined it becus it was perfect without you. and how can a church possibly be perfect with inperfect sinners? go to a church God brings you to." and i totally agree! that's precisely why i never regretted staying in PLCMM. ((x

hahaha. i honestly do not disagree when people say that MM youths are very unfriendly and stuff. but well, i can safely say that i do the best that i can and i believe that everyone else does too. hahah. please do not think that i am saying this becus they come from the same church as i do or becus they are one of my dearest friends. but yes! they may be towards the quiet side but honestly they are really nice people to be with. as in WONDERFUL! hahaha. they are really sweet kiddds! yup. just like me! xP lol.

hahahh. actually something happened yesterday between myself and someone from the other church. i guess it was more or less my fault for bring insensitive and stuff. well, that's what happens most of the time when i get high and stuff. it's then when i just say whatever comes to my head which then leads to unintended happiness.

okayyy. let's just go to the back of my head for a feww moments. yup. you will know i tend to keep alot of things i dont intend to keep but just cannot help but remember at the veryy back of my head or at least in some corner whereby it is unvisited or least visited. but of course, there are times whereby everthing just gets so mixed up that the just flow from everywhere. and i can tell you it feels really awful, in this times of confusion, anger and heart-aching moments. you just simply cannot control what you think. please note that thinking and doing are two very different things. just as thiking of killing someone doesnt make you a murder, thinking about something doesnt make it anything without action.

so anyway backk to this stupid thing i have at the back of my head. this thoughts were obivously provoked by some crappy news, facts, statistics and even gossips? yes! you are right! i have always been full of praise for that church. but i failed to notice how the entire thing actually seems to be operating, until it was highlighted to me. the dressing and behavior of certain authorative figures. the extent of which they go in bringing people to church. (verry good but sometimes it is really gets on the nerves of people.). the great empathise on prosperity and especially money. the wordd "market" from the mouths of many just brings across this idea that they are tring to sell you something. blahs. didnt i already tell you that action does it all? hahaa.

okayy. this idea brought across by a certain group of people just makes me feel very uneasy and irritated about a certain issue. i dont know but the idea of superiority comes in. it's like almost as if to say that only this church is a saving church. only this church is worth going to. i can see that they are really trying very hard to bring people to church. (please note the word church.) but i dont see the point is trying to get people of other churches to go to your church. it's like almost as good as encouraging church-hopping? want bring people to christ. bring the non-christians to your church. let them get to know God better through you and your church. sorry, but somehow i just feel this wayy.

hahah. i already said i am sorry. if you think that action speaks louder than words. i would slap myself for being so insensitive. hahahh. you are really a very nice guy if not for you ahemm nature. i believe you would too, do it in action. forgive and forget! xP

2005-10-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

yayyys! the exams are like finally over?
hard to believe ehs? but yes it is really overr!! hahaha!
wowwww. i know this reaction is like slow by two days! but i am really like super happy. no, i am not happy. i am more than happy. hahah. that's if you get what i mean. but honestly, i dont how else to bring this wonderful feeling across. it's like a beautiful dream that is like so unreal. hmmmm, let me think...

in this dream, the people live like there will always be tmr. hope and joy just builds up the entire atmosphere, unlike the real and harsh world where everyone competes with you for even the slightest thing. the innocent smiles of the people is just so unlike most hypocrites you see all around you now. in this dream, the people are not the ordinary humans you see walking along the streets day and night. they are something more. and to me, they are like angels walking on the earth's surface. hmm. (rereads) hahah. this may sound very exaggerated to you but i know that they truly are...

okayy. anyway today i went to sentosa with jue, cheryl and shumei to play volleyball. hahah. but it rained? such a wet blanket please! lol. so we went to eat at BK. hahah. and guess what! those pigs kept insisting that i always hum and sing to myself. hahah. they accused me of singing during the exams? LOL. make me sound like some woodbridge escapist la. loll. i agree that i was a major distraction during the exams but I DID NOT SING LAAA!! lol. so anyway we went to the beach after the rain stopped. played vollyball! hahaha! MK just loves making a fool out of herself la. keep wanting to set the ball? but apparently did not have any idea what setting means? loll. so jue taught her. then she just wants to keep setting only. so jue quite poor thing must keep digging. so ask her to shout set when she does so that she can dig. then that MK serve also shout set. lol. maddd kidd pls. but sadly, they went home after a short while. but nevertheless though it's ou first time going out together, i had a great time with you guys! =))

later, i went over to join another bunch of friends from school. hahah. apparently, i dont really know any one of them except for horsey but being the friendly me, i joined them. and mann, THEY ARE LIKE A GREAT JOY TO BE WITH!! i would have so regret it, had i chosen to go off. hahah. i am just glad i didnt. they were like in the water playing captain's ball with liyun's volleyball. so i just jump into the water and extraa la. hahah. then suddenly, everybody's like "rachel's in my group!" hahah. but scream here scream there! in the end we regroup. with me, horsey and pok in one group. and liyun, sihui, jean and michelle in the other. hahah. that liyun just loves blocking me laa. hahaha. super scary pls. everytime i get the ball, sure got something happen one. push me into the water, pull my pants, tickle people and all sorts of nonsense fouls. lol. so there was this ball that fleww way out. so the both of us swam for it. then i got it and she still doesnt give up. keep trying to get the ball from me. hA! here comes the great mind! since i was floating on the ball then. i started screaming "liyun!!! i cannot swim!! ahhhh!! i really cannot swim!! dont disturb me! ahh!!" and she sort of fell for it? hahah. pretty dumb actually, considering the fact that i out beat her in swimming for the ball. LOL! maddd la. then later she became the pole so jean took over her place. that girl also fell for it la. funny pls. but later when they found out that i could swim. life was tough. started pulling my hand and shirt just to get the ball. =P hahah. actually sihuii also very poor thing kana blocked by the well known rough kidd horsey. hahahah. snatch with her like nobody's business la. somemore sihui so tinyy. hahaha. somemore wanna be the pole. our pole is the best laaa!! POK THE POLE! hahah. see. so nice! xP super crappy ehs. then wait for the wave but dont have? then everytime got wave, they will shout "ehh, link hands! quickk!" 1,2,3................ no wave? lol. super anti climax laa. in the end, we decided on man made waves? superr lame la. hahahah. really had a fun time laughing! hahaha. who would expect a bunch of sec threes to be so childish and mad ehs. hahahah. but honestly i feel more like myself when i hang out with them. it's so unlike other times whereby i have to act like my age in front of younger kidds or act like a studious kidd to meet live up the the class reputation. hahah.

after that, we had our fair share of volleyball too. with me., sihui and horse in one team and the rest in the other! lol! sihui's super auntified la. whenever she doesnt catch the high ball she will ask the people who hit the ball to get it. then, she will complain but still walk to get the ball at the same time. hahaha. look like some grumpy aunty la. loll! that horse is the best. everytime also hit the air one. loll. super funny!! yup. so we played and played and finally couldnt take the heat in the our face, so we resquested for a change of places. and just what that liyun just had to shout so loudly? "hahah! dont think i dunno you wanna to see the guys right?" lol! please la. like who even bothered about those guys la. i bet she was starring at them for like from the start of the game till then. hahah. joking la. anyway we had fun poking fun at jean when ahemm walked pass also. hahah.

anyway we played until we were like burnt lobsters. then we decided to go and change up. but michelle and i had no change? then had to wait for those kidds for like almost half an hour? dont know what they were doing sia. hahah. ohh. and now for the dumbest joke of the whole entire century. horsey was like reaching for the turtle in the pond beside the toilet. so i decided to give her a lil push to add on to the thrill. hahah! and she starting screaming " ahhhh! i cant swim!!" lol! like the pond even has enough water for her to swim? LOLLL!

yup. so we parted and went our seperate ways. hahah. but the three hungry ghost. me, sihuii and jean went to PS to grab some food. lol! i was practically freezing in my wet clothes? lucky the shirt was black then cannot see that it is wet. but it was like freakinnggg cold. hahah! anyway, i never knew they were such gossipers la!! or at least not till today. so we crapped and talk about some stuff. btww, jean's a pig!! she ate like twice the portion of what me and sihuii shared. and she ate it like faster? hahaha. crappy ones. then we went homee!!

now, to you guys!
HERE COMES A BIGGG WAVE!!! lol. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING MY DAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! ((x

it runs along the same storyline as the one played a year ago. only now, it is acted by different actors. everything is so different now. do things never stay? the times we had will always be the dearest to me. they will never change, just like the way iLa will always stay special to me! i hope we will find time in our busy schedules to meet up soon. x))

2005-09-20T04:01:00.000-07:00

yayys! today i was out with my dearest mentor, dot!! ((x
and yeah, not forgetting my "cute" brother too. Lol.
went for lunch at secret recipe to just catch up with each other.
hahaha. and of course all these came with a fair share of crapping and nonsense.
both of them had like super interesting stories to share on their ex-girl/boyfriend.
hahah. and since i am some inexperience.
i dont really have much to say on that topic. so i just sat there and listen. LOl.
yup. i honestly had a great time with them. really love those twooo. x)

Our God is an awesome God!
yeah man. it has been yet another year. and the exams are here once again. lol.
i am done with all my science practicals and orals. all of which have gone really smoothly except for the physics practical which encountered a little hump. hahaha. but nevertheless, i would especially like to thank God for bringing me through my chinese oral as chinese has always been a tremendous difficulty for myself, being brought up in a english educated family and all. but God as he has always been, graciously brought me through it once again.
To God be the glory! ((x

-i dreamt of you yesterday- xP

2005-09-06T04:15:00.000-07:00

Recently, it suddenly struck me. Is it the way I live my life that makes people think that I just simply live it to get it over and done with? Is that why they make such insensitive comments? Comments like, “Like you even bothered about anything.” , “You are stressed? What a joke!” , “Don’t be so childish lar.” and so on.

If you think that looking happy is all that makes a happy man. Then I tell you. You have never been so wrong. Looking positive is just but a disguise to deceive one’s negative inside. But of course, everything has an end point. Nobody can live each day, brain-washing himself day after day. If someone could tolerate your insensitivity, surely there is something more. Nobody would tolerate your nonsense. Not unless there is love. But I guess I can’t ask for much since I too, make up that population of insensitive people.

How would you define the term FRIENDS?
Are they, people whom you know?
Are they, people who work with you?
Are they, people who happen to be in the same school or church as you?
Or are they, simply just people whom you hang out with?

I have many friends if I defined the term friend as people I know. And I still have quite a large number if I narrowed it down to people I spend time with. Quite a sum if I said people whom I enjoy my time with. A pretty decent sum if I said those who believe that I would keep their secrets. And quite a number whom I believe will keep secrets. But if I were to define it as those who are willingly to share thick and thin, I would say none. Of course in theory, everyone would say yes. But just ask them simple stuff and see how they will respond.

Sorry. I am currently very busy.
Sorry. I have got to catch that show.
Sorry. I have to spend time with my books.
Sorry. I need to sleep.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. If you get it, I just do not have time for you lar.

Now, the second question is whether or not, one can live without friends?
I guess it differs with every individual
People often say to me, “you won’t understand because you have so many friends.” But the truth is I do not, I just merely know more people than themselves. And if the answer to the second question posted were to be yes. I guess I would have been dead by now.

Okay. Now you may say I am idiotic.
31 august 2005

2005-08-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

COVERING MATERIAL FOR SHELTER
THE AMAZING PROPERTIES OF POLY FLEX EPDM WATER PROOFING FORROOFS OF ALL KIND
This Single-ply black membranes are light weight and has exceptional long lasting elasticity permitting the materials to withstand followings.
- Building movement.
- Expansion - Contraction of Building surface.- High resistance to Ozone and weather as they are known as "Crackless Rubbers"- Low Specific gravity - lightest among all rubbers.- Widest Temperature range from - 50'C to + 150'C.- Excellent Steam and Water Resistance.Even after 20 years EPDM Roofing Material maintains good properties and appearance.
MAIN ADVANTAGES OF "POLY FLEX™" EPDM WATER ROOFINGS
A.
THE SUPERIOR PROPERTIES OF EPDM WATER PROOFING.The life of any building is dependent of the designer recognising and considering all the factors relevant to its location, shapes, and function of the building. Reliable roofing is the most important part which devides the quality & ultimately the life of the building. An efficient roof sheeting should never allow even traces of water to pass through it at any given point and should maintain this characteristic over a long period of time. It should withstand slight moments of the structure, bad weather, chemical degradation and mechanical stress and strains.EPDM is the perfect solution which meets the stringent requirement of good water proofing roof sheet. In the long run it is a more for more economical than traditional water proofing systems.
B.
"POLY FLEX™" EPDM SHEET HAS MORE WATER PROOFING POWER THAN CONVENTIONAL MATERIAL.EPDM sheet (with a thickness of 1.2 mm) is 22 times more than asphalt and 59 times more water proofing than PVC sheet.
C.
"POLY FLEX™" EPDM SHEET WILL TAKE THE "MOVEMENT" OF THE STRUCTURE:-Since EPDM sheet can be stretched (approx. 400%), it will not tear, crack or split but returns to the original position, without damage to the membrane. The EPDM SHEET has an unfailing flexibility.
D.
"POLY FLEX™" EPDM SHEET WITHSTANDS EXTREMES OF TEMPERATURE:-Because of serviceability over a wide range of temperature (-50° to + 150°C), EPDM sheet does not embrittle in freezing weather nor soften in hot weather.
E.
"POLY FLEX™" EPDM SHEET MINIMAL EXTRA LOAD ON YOUR ROOF:-EPDM roof sheet is one of the highest roof membrane materials (with a specific gravity of approx. 1.15 kg/m²). It is highly suitable for light weight structures and puts negligible extra load on roofs to be water proofed.
F.
"POLY FLEX™" EPDM SHEET LASTS FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS:-Presently in our country, asphalt based coating is employed in many buildings to protect the roof from leaking. However, the life of such waterproofing is limited and the coating has been replaced every 2 to 3 years. Because of expansional water & weather resistance of EPDM, the roof sheets based on EPDM are known to last for more than 20 years.
G.
LITTLE OR NO MAINTENANCE IS REQUIRED FOR THE EPDM WATER PROOFING SHEET:-As the EPDM Rubber Sheet does not deteriorate due to weather, heat, sunlight and oxidation virtually no maintenance is required for the roof.
[DURABLE!]
H.
RESISTANT TO MOST OF THE ACIDIC AND ALKALINE CONDITIONS FOR WIDE RANGE OF TEMPERATURE:As the EPDM rubber is highly saturated polymer, it has better chemical and environmental resistance than other available polymeric materials. This can be used in chemical plants for their drainage and canal systems to avoid seepage through the RCC / CONCRETE work which in turn can damage surrounding fields.

"POLY FLEX™" EPDM ROOF CAN BE FIXED IN TWO WAYS.
1.
BALLASTED In this method, the water-proofing sheet is simply fitted over the roof and fixed only at the perimeter with the help of contact adhessive. To prevent the covering from being lifted and blown away by strong winds, it is covered with ballast. The sheet should be loaded with ballast immediately after laying. Ballast should be round, washed stone 20-40 mm diameter (usually rounded river washed pebbles are used for this purpose).The ballast weight should be calculated by taking into consideration the design permissible loading capacity of roof.
2.
FULLY ADHERED SYSTEM: Bonding is appropriate when structures are too light or roofs are too steep for ballsting. This method can be bonded to smooth wood, concrete, steel, aluminum, rigid insulation, clean and free of Oil, Grease or other contaminants.In this method , the main area of covering is bonded to its substrate with slow curing adhessive . The surface regularities of the old roof must be removed before applying the covering.First the roof sheet is placed with in proper position , and adhessive is pured directly from the container or is applied with the brush or roller . The rubber sheet is than unrolled over the fresh adhessive layer and is roller worked until it is flat and free of wrinkles.SO IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A STRONG. FLEXIBLE WATER PROOF SYSTEM OR FOR ANY WATER PROOFING CONSULTATIONS KINDLY CONTACT OUR TECHNICAL DEPARTMENT.

A membrane that is Fungus & Bacteria Proof- - Fish Friendly - FDA
LF 6600
BUTYL based membrane. Best suitable against aggressive chemicals, water, vapors, fumes etc.
LD 4000
HYPALON ® based membrane. Best suitable for oxidizing chemicals, best weathering resistance

INFLATABLE FLOATS
1)The functional, lightweight, foldable watersports boards are constructed from the same sturdy materials used in military/commercial inflatable boats, making them durable and UV resistant.

2)The greatest appeal of the boards is that they can fully deflate for travelling, allowing you to fit one easily into a large backpack.

3)You can then quickly inflate it with a hand pump when you're ready to surf.
[we might want to change the idea of inflating it with a pump because it is too time consuming. so i suggest we adopt the idea of sucking in external air to inflate the thing. yup. dont have to research on this cus i think we can just be very brief in our explanation, saying that we press some button to inflate the thing with external air. yeah. something like that lar.]

4)The fact that it's lightweight, soft and super buoyant.

***this is the material: 3ply PVC material and coated with polyesterfabric
[same sturdy materials used in military/commercial inflatable boats]

with reference to: www. answers.com

2005-07-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

*YOU ARE THE ONE I WANNA LOVE

to live or not to live? that is not the question.
the question is how should we live?

i always thought that i was ready to give up anything for God. i always thought that i will be able to obey his word and do stuff in accordance to his plan smoothly and without any procastination. but when the real thing comes, it is apparently easier said than done.

lets say something or someone you really love alot were taken away from you, what would be your first reaction? of course you would feel very upset, depressed or maybe even angry. that's the typical emotion a human would feel.

and yes, one day it was told to me that this thing that meant alot to me was going to disappear. it was going to cease to exist in my world, my life. (or at least it was brought across that way.) that instant, i felt like as if a million daggers pierced through my heart. i started screaming out to God, asking why and how should such a terrible thing fall upon me. i mean why of all people me? why of all things that? WHY? that was the big question? i hid under my blanket and cried out to God, bombarding him with all my questions. i did not give him a chance to tell me why? i did not even clarify the reason. all that was on my mind was that thing.

then, i stopped for a moment and stared at the blank ceiling above me and i realised that i focused to much on it. i really love the lord but... i just cannot give it up. i know that the lord would always answer prayers so i never dared to pray about forgetting it. i just simply cannot bring myself to.

but now, everything before me, stands so clear. it was almost as if the Lord was making a choice for me. nothing has come out of my love for it. and it may not be a bad thing that it is slowly disappearing out of my life.

hahaha. you are right. life is complicated and we mere humans know little or even nothing about what our future holds. but i know that my God knows. ((x

so Lord, now i just commit everything to you and i just pray that you will help me draw the clear line between you and the things of this earth. i know that you have a perfect plan for my life. i know that you will never fail me. i trust and i believe that you allow all things to happen for a good cause lord. lord, i put my life and everything that i have into your hands. i pray that i will live each day as a good testimony for you. may your name be lifter higher every single day. i just want to love you lord. i want to love you. amen.

my life *i trust in your perfect plan!*

2005-06-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

God is indeed a faithful God! He never does fails his people! be it rain or shine. God still takes good care of his sheeps. last sunday, i woke up to a dark sky filled with dark clouds and before i even knew it. the expected happened and it started pouring in my area. i started panicking as the basketball matches were about to start in an hours time. the first thing that came to my mind was to call the co-organiser qiang. but when he answered the call, he sounded pretty calm. saying that he was on the way there and that it was not raining there. i silently give thanks to God. i rushed down to church with my brother in a taxi but qiang was not there. and while waiting, we decided to move the movable basketball stands by ourselves first. then it started drizzling. i didnt really know what to do, but i knew God had already planned everything for us. i went into the shelter and started praying. asking God for help and guidance. then marcus, pris and john arrived. they joined in prayer. and yes! when all our church mates and friends arrived, God stopped the rain and the floor dried rather quickly. our game may be described as a rather successful one. we had lots of fun. made quite afew new friends and even managed to get some of them to stay for youth fellowship. it is just amazing how God plans everything so nicely. ((x

i love you Lord!

2005-06-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

what can i say. life's just great! just like the saying goes "whatever comes goes around comes around." and well after today, i guess i do see some elements of truth in that statement. today we walked to some ulu place which is like 4km away from the main road where you could actually hire a taxi. so my cell mates and i decided to try hitching a ride from one of the passerby. and yeah. indeed God is good. that passerby all dressed up in coat and tie apparently agreed to take three sweaty smelling passengers in his posh car. yeah. to God be the glory! he is a good man worth commenting. ((x

words will always be mere words if they do not come with actions

2005-06-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

if there were anything i wanted in this world, it would be you! ((x

2005-06-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

what you do if you had a day left?

would you continue with what you have been studying for years to try and make a head and tail out of it? i bet you will not. people often make studying out to be such a grand and important thing, ranked so highly above all other stuff. but who would even give two hoots about it when they are on the verge of dying. we spend half our days studying, working and trying to earn money. but does all these little things which we make out to be so big really matter? would we use our last moments to fufil them. no we would not. or rather i would not.

would you spend the day with your lover? honestly, i dont have one. so yeah. it's redundant. but maybe it's relevant to you readers. so yarr. maybe you would ask if i would just call him up and say i love you. hahah. i doubt so la. i mean you will be a dead person before you know it so it is no use clinging on to something that will never be yours. yeah.

family? friends? hahaha. they probably laugh themselves silly if i told them i was dying in a day's time or cry themselves silly if they had believed. so yeah. i dont want them to go silly. hahah.

so maybe i will just sit in a corner and reflect. maybe i would think and ponder on what to do or say when i see my father up in heaven. and probably write my will too? lol.

2005-05-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

if only a dream would become real.
if ony fairytales existed in reality.
if only.....

i just realised that i am a professional crapper who craps about almost everything under the sun. gees. is this part of being part of this world? talking crap and thinking crap. LOL.

rachel the professional crapper.

2005-05-16T03:07:00.000-07:00

perhaps you will never ever know how much i love you
i often deny myself,
saying that you are just but just another guy.
only to come to this conclusion:
although i know that you will only love her,
i can never completely get you out of my mind.
i tried my best to treat you as an ordinary friend.
but it just breaks my heart,
just knowing how much you love her.
i would very much want to accept it but i guess i cant.

ahhh! rachel. how stupid can you get? he has already got someone. you should just back off and stop thinking about him. and just another reminder, you are only 15, not 50 my dear. and there is still alot in life that you have yet to see. love consultant! do what you so often preach! lol.

hahah. yar lah. i guess there is more to life than just love. i am convinced after seeing so many cases of people getting so frustrated, confused and upset over it. how contradicting can this world get? is love as pure and true as it is made out to be? i doubt. perhaps it's just me and all the television programmes i have been watching. well, maybe not lah. after being a love consultant for like almost three years of my life, i do agree with their view to a certain extend. hahaha. why cant the people of this world be born simple and innocent? just love this one person, get married and settle down. lol. anyway i guess there are some things that are just simply beyond our control. and i agree with pris and qiang. "God is faithful. He has a good plan for us. and He is the only one who knows who is the best for us. so leave it to Him."

in conclusion, human love is crap! there's only one love that will last forever, one love that would give unconditionally and one love that would give up so much for anyone. that love is the love of God! He loves you! He loves you so much that he was even willingly to lay down His life for you, so much that He stands waiting at your door everyday knocking and waiting for you to open the door. God loves you more than anyone else in the world. He is crazy about you, so much so that He even knows the number of hair on your head which you yourself do not even know. He is the creater and the almighty, yet He chose you. would you not just give Him that chance to be your freind? I chose Him and i hope that my dear friends, one day you would too.

2005-05-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

i just realised that my chinese is still quite terrible despite the fact that i have been learning it for over ten years. lol. it is quite a sad fact isnt it. this was what happened...
in the evening, i called my tuition kids to inform them about the upcoming family day our church was organising. and great! for one of them, a mother picked up and started talking in chinese. so i was like trying to tell her about the event but she just didnt get it somehow and told me to call a little later when her girl would be home. gees. how insulting. hahaha. well, i guess it's time i should start practising speaking in chinese. lol. after all, it's a chinese church, reaching out to quite a number of chinese people, including afew china girls who i surprising can communicate with. hahaha. yeah! i am determined to learn the professional way of speaking chinese! after all, china would be a big market in years to come! LOL! okay, maybe not so soon. one shouldnt be too greedy, just well enough to communicate would be just good. hahaha. yupx.

the world is stressful
is it the world or is it just the competitive and kiasu us? yes. there are no doubt lots of tests, exams, cross-country races, table tennis, basketball and badminton matches all involving people like us. and everyone is just going insane over them. people study from the moment they open their eyes to the time they close them. some work non-stop in hope of getting a raise in status/salary. while others train for years just to win that single gold medal. are these things really that worth so much of our time and effort? and how long will these things last?

status, wealth and fame. what more are these things than just mere worldly posessions? like what my grandma always tell my siblings and i, "aiyo. so much money for what? die also cannot bring into the coffin with you. you come there empty, go also empty. hold your money so tight also no use." hahaha. indeed it's very true. these things will at the very most last you a lifetime but not eternity. but ironically, many people are so blinded by the things of this earth that they fail to see the real treasure that is installed for them, the treasure that would last them for eternity.

i admit that i myself am guilty of this too. hahaha. so many a times, we humans think that we can accomplish all things with our own strength. but having been through it so many times, i realised that we cant, simply because we are not God. sometimes, you try and take everything into your own hands and end up screwing everything up only to realise it only takes a prayer to solve the tiny thing. and why i dont see why people fight over almost every other thing, be it money, positions, houses or even people. like the saying goes, "whatever is meant to be yours will always be yours but whatever is not will never be." anyway, in times whereby you feel weak or down, just remember: God is so strong, so powerful and mighty, there's nothing He cannot do for me or you. trust in him and he will honour you!

Lord, i just pray that we learn to trust in you everyday of our lives, knowing that you have the best plan for us. and now i just wanna commit tmr's bio test into your hands. i also pray for my fellow brothers and sisters and they take their respective tests/exams. i pray that lord, you will just be there with us to guide us and go through the test with us. that you will give us your peace at heart as we strive to do our best. i pray that as we go through our daily lives, we will remember why we do things and who are are doing it for. Amen.

Cell

2005-05-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

Lord, we were once so united and joyful, singing freely in your prescene but look at us now. Everyone's just fighting for their own rights, thinking of what would suit them the best. but who has ever thought what would be the best for cell? Prehaps it's just the generation gap. We simply do not understand one another and thus cannot connect with each other.

A statement was made saying that we(the youths) have got no respect for the elders. I admit that i, as well as many others are guitly. For that, i would like to apologise. And since it is brought up, we will try and imrpove on it.

it was also mentioned that our behavior/attitude is not up to expectations. to this, i also agree to a certain extent. but as behavior/attitude are terms subjective to different individuals. my understanding of good behavior may not be what you understand from the same two words and thus it is more of an opinion than anything else. here, i think that as long as we know what we are doing, who we are doing it for and are doing it with joy and happiness, the attitude is there.

somebody brought up that God should be the centre of cell and God should be the reason for us going to cell. but questions if that were really the case. yes, i agree that many a times we look like we are going there just for fun and play and in some cases it might even be true. this questions more of the individuals themselves. but think about it, why of all places the church? a place whereby rules are set and are to be obeyed. why?

the elders think that cell should be serious and solom. but i think otherwise and i believe some others would agree with me. yes. we should be serious when we come to God but should there not be a sense of belonging, joy and love? what is cell when you come together with a group of people which you call your family, just to feel so stressed up and uneasy? isnt this no different from the world around us?

the elders defination of cell is leadership training with its primary aim to train young leaders that will be able to lead the church and its secondary aim to fellowship. yes. it is indeed a good thing to have such trainings and stuff. but do you not agree that fellowship is more important. what good is a bunch of supposedly "well trained" leaders when it only ends there? you can train a whole bunch of youths but do you not agree that in order for them to really be able to lead, they have be of one heart and mind. the church is a body of people and not one person alone, it can never stand on its own nor one single person's leading/opinion.

they say you are free to voice your opinions during this time of sharing. but just look and see, how many of the youths actually open their mouths and say anything. the answer is almost none. honestly, i do not really know why either. but for myself, i personally had quite alot to say but the words just didnt come out. it was there but something told me that i shouldnt say it. i usaually find whenever i say something that goes against the system, it just naturally gets rebuted. sometimes, i wonder if it even got through. [when i told my mum about haichong's apology. she immediately questioned me asking why is it that the adult should apologise to the kids in front of so many people.] i am not trying to put my mum down, but isnt this reaction due to ego?

well, i guess humans will always be humans. and we cant just depend on ourselves alone. we need someone to be in charge. we need someone to guide us. we need someone to show us the way out of this darkness. Lord, we need you. please be our guide and show us your way. we know that in order to run this race, we need perseverance and strength lord. i pray that as we run this race to eternity lord, our eyes will be fixed on you. we do not want to be put down be the circumstances for the things around us will never change but we can. i just pray that you will solve all the misunderstandings among your people lord. we wanna serve you lord. but we know that we cannot if we do not first start with ourselves being right with you. lord, i just wanna be right with you. lord, be our light, guide us. Amen.